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Something to Remember Me By

by To Kill Achilles

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1.
fourpercent 02:54
I’ve just opened my eyes to the light that’s shining through my window Today I’m 25 years old and that feels so wrong There’s a ringing in my ear, my stomachs sick and it just feels Like I don’t know what I’m doing here Another Hungover Waste of my whole day See I’ve been drinking every day for 10 years but that’s not a problem I mean, it's a habit but then again, isn’t everything? 
 I mean come to think of it I don’t know what I can do today I mean there’s gotta be a way that I can feel ok I hear it calling my name (Help me) I hear it calling my name This rooms like a jail to me Empty cans all around my feet And I’ve been dizzy since 2003 Four percent, the only cure for me This rooms like a jail to me Four walls don’t judge you see And I’ve been dizzy since 2003 Four percent, the only cure for me Another Hungover Waste of my whole day Pick it up Man I’m so tired, I can’t even think straight I guess one more couldn’t hurt, it’s not ok but it helps me sleep Send me to sleep
2.
In Vain 03:44
Now before I say these words I know they sound cliché But unfortunately that, well that’s just me You see I haven’t had an original thought in so damn long I even took these words from someone else’s song They say the times they are a-changin’ But I remain the same Just a figure in the distance Another man with no name These words are all I have to set me apart And they still don’t sound like they’re from the heart Nothing I do is heartfelt The dead leaves on my window ledge remind me of the sun We’re both starving for light we’re both starving for love I guess I’ll never be the man That I aspire to be I mean if I were in your shoes I wouldn’t bet on me They say the times they are a-changin’ But I remain the same Just a figure in the distance Another man with no name I can’t describe the feeling of putting all your hope into one thing and being constantly shot down Being told your not good enough, that your life’s work has been wasted and you’ll never amount to anything So that’s how you’ll all remember me As just a cheap imitation Of the man I tried so hard to be If all of my time has been wasted At least in the end I can say I tried
3.
I’ve been trying to come to terms with the loss of my youth I know it’s something I’ll have to get used to But when I look at myself in the mirror The reflection is not me It’s all the signs that scare me All the cracks that appeared in my skin It’s all the signs that scare me The signs I’m going downhill I can’t look at myself in the mirror (no, no, no)
 No I won’t look at myself in the mirror The reflection is not me It’s not me And it just feels like I’m caught in a current And it’s dragging me further away From the person that I want to be And now the shores just out of reach I’ll never get back to the boy I used to be I’ll never get back, I don’t recognise me I’ve been trying to come to terms with the loss of my youth But it’s just something I can’t get used to Cause when I look at myself in the mirror I despise what I see I want to feel like the man I aspire to be Cause it just feels like I’m caught in a current And it’s dragging me further away From the person that I want to be And now the shores just out of reach I’ll never get back to the boy I used to be I’ll never get back So these crows’ feet next to my eyes show every smile and every frown And these weathered hands built a life I should be proud of How I wish I could be proud of it
4.
I gave up all my friends, my family, my whole life Just to feel like I was moving forward Just to feel alive These memories mean more than love to me At least that’s what the people closest to me started to believe I watched as people I held dear Turn their backs on me But the truth is I chose to be alone I had everyone and everything and I chose to leave my home Don’t get me wrong See in the moment This is worth it But these moments only last so long but I’ll be left with a lifetime of no one Late night drives One thousand miles away Have become like home The only place for me I gave it all away To spend everyday Somewhere else I watched as people I held dear Turn their backs on me But the truth is I chose to be alone I had everyone and everything and I chose to leave my home Oh God, I’ve never felt this low
5.
Black Marble 02:23
I don’t know what to think I don’t know how to feel All I know is that I don’t feel like I’m really here Maybe in body But not in soul Maybe when I grow up, maybe when I get old But to be fair the seasons growing cold And I’m watching leaves from the trees falling to the floor Perhaps in years to come I will find my place But as it stands right now I’m standing here alone These lines on my face are getting deeper Every time I look in the mirror But my list of things I hoped to achieve is as empty as the home I share The home I share with no one Let me tell you a story about a guy who lived He did his best, gave it all, had one final wish That maybe when he’s gone someone will say “Hey remember that guy, yeah he was great” But in reality people just move on And one piece remains This song
6.
My life is slipping away from me I wish that I could find some kind of piece of mind What’s happening? Why is my heart racing? I feel like I could die but I’d best stay quiet I’d best stay silent No don’t show any weakness Just focus on breathing Focus on living I’m so stuck in my head My hands are starting to shake Oh god there’s pain in my chest Oh god I’m losing my breath And now the room starts to spin My palms are covered in sweat “Hold back the tears, just forget” Oh what I’d give to forget Why is this happening? I’ve never felt this way before There must be something wrong (something I can’t ignore) I’d do anything for someone to explain (why this is happening) Oh god it’s happening again My life is slipping away from me I wish that I could find some kind of piece of mind What’s happening? Why is my heart racing? I feel like I could die but I’d best stay quiet I’d best stay silent I’d best stay quiet See when you live with ghosts, you don’t see the dead (you don’t see the dead) So what if all of these problems are not They’re not just in my head They’re not in my head My life is slipping away from me I wish that I could find some kind of piece of mind What’s happening? Why is my heart racing? I feel like I could die and I can’t stay quiet
7.
Agnostic 01:43
I don’t believe in god but recently I’ve been praying I don’t expect and answer but it’s just a little comforting See I’m not afraid to tell the truth cause I know you’re not listening But the truth is, man, I’m really struggling You see there’s thoughts in my head I never thought I would have I mean, what if I wasn’t here, maybe they’d all be glad See I don’t think anyone would mind because I’ve become such a burden So I’ll just grab my drink, and pray this stops hurting I’ll pray this stops hurting Forgive me father, for I have sinned I spent my life worrying about one thing That one thing was me, but I know that’s wrong But I can’t change it now cause I’ve lost them all
8.
On My Mind 03:38
I’m so sorry for the things I put you through And I know you find it hard to sleep when I’m not right next to you But I’ll keep leaving just like I always do Yeah, I’ve got so much life to live but I still need you Yeah I love that you’re there for me when I come back home I just never think of how you feel when you’re home alone An empty house A ghost in your home That’s not what you used to dream about when you were young But I’ll try my best to make you feel like the queen you are Yeah every day of my life I’ll give you my heart And I’ll have to leave from time to time But every day I’m away you’ll be on my mind This empty house is bringing you down I’ve seen your smile it’s turned to a frown But I swear my dear every night I pray that these words are enough to make you stay And I’m so sorry my dear Cause every time you asked I just never had the heart to admit, I did it all for myself Man, I just wish I could care About anything that isn’t myself So from this day on I promise you I’ll do my best To make you feel like the queen you are Yeah every day of my life I’ll give you my heart And I’ll have to leave from time to time But every day I’m away you’ll be on my mind This empty house is bringing you down I’ve seen your smile it’s turned to a frown But I swear my dear every night I pray that these words are enough to make you stay
9.
I am tired Alone again Dreaming of times that were better spent A time where I could rest my eyes And fall asleep without drinking myself blind I’ll keep these thoughts so close Cause they’re all that I have left I’ll keep them locked inside Too scared to damage my pride I was always told to suffer Told to suffer in silence So when the world it bares it’s teeth Don’t burden your friends for their guidance Just deal with it all by yourself Be a man, show some strength I can’t deal with this all by myself But men don’t ask for help So if I need something it’s delivered to my door No I don’t need to speak anymore And even when I’m out with friends we’re all immersed in our phones So I sit in silence and breath cigarette smoke If I have problems I post them Praying for answers from the unknown Tell me when did an icon become more than someone I adore? I was always told to suffer Told to suffer in silence So when the world it bares it’s teeth Don’t burden your friends for their guidance Just deal with it all by yourself Be a man, show some strength I can’t deal with this all by myself But men don’t ask for help See from a young age you’re told boys don’t cry, men don’t have feelings and never to share your thoughts or anxieties with anyone incase you look weak But sometimes I just wish I could talk to someone
10.
Venom 03:32
I'm not a strong man Both in the physical sense and my mental health See I struggle coping with a fear, a fear of death I shake, my eyes well I'm not scared of heaven, not scared of hell I'm just terrified of not being here Now I know this sounds messed up but there's times I feel like ending it all Just to give myself a rest from being so stuck in my head I'm so stuck in my head What I wouldn't give to lay in my bed, and not just dream about my death This fear is not irrational You see when I was just a boy I seen my father die in front of my eyes And as I get older I'm starting to feel Like if it happened to him it could happen to me There's no day without the night There's no dark without the light There's no life without death, we all take one last breath This feeble heart inside our chests will stop beating and put us to rest There's no day without the night There's no dark without the light There's no life without death, we all take one last breath This feeble heart inside our chests will stop beating and put us all to rest So let me ask you what's worse To live in fear from the bite of the snake, or to present your hand, watch its fangs pierce your skin, and know in that moment, that you'll never be scared again? I guess I'll never be scared again
11.
Ladies and gentlemen please listen to my voice Let it vibrate through your ears and let it shiver through your bones Cause what I have to say is gonna make you feel alone But once you understand it'll make you feel at home You see a wise man told me you'd care a lot less about what people think of you when you realise how seldom they do Now let me explain See in your life, you are the main character So everything you do matters And all those other people you see, well they're just other actors So the guy you past at 4pm who was running for his train Well to you he's just an extra, but to him, you're just the same So here's where we get to the point of this song There is no weaker number than the number one You see when you die The man you past on the street Well he won't care I mean you didn't even meet But if you knew that guy Called him your friend, your family, your brother Well now you're a two And now you can live forever Cause now when you fade away He'd be filled with regret And he'd carry your spirit Till the day you re-met I guess what I’m trying to say is We only exist when we exist together We only exist when we exist together
12.
21:36 03:20
I find comfort in star draped skies And the sound of the waves just crashing by See I’ve been thinking ‘bout what happens to life after death And I've been thinking I’m not far from my last breath It’s just that I can see the shore with the boats and the flags And I can see my father standing there with love in his eyes And I can feel the sun beating down through the skies And there will be no clouds above me I’ve always had a vision of heaven And there ain’t no pearly gates It’s just a beach outside my hometown Where all my loved ones wait And I’m tempted to take a visit And see them all because This world has pulled me under Just like it always does “Keep you’re head up, things can’t get worse” Yeah sure I’ve lost my world but it couldn’t get worse I’ve got a feeling they just say that ‘cause they don’t know what else to say, I mean I get it everyday And I totally understand I’m not asking you to hold my hand I’m just saying it out loud to acknowledge that it’s how I feel It’s how I feel I guess it’s getting real These people don’t know what’s on my mind The train display, it shows the time 21:36 I should be in bed 21:36 I’m going there instead I’ve always had a vision of heaven And there ain’t no pearly gates It’s just a beach outside my hometown Where all my loved ones wait And I know I’m gonna take a visit And see them all because This world has pulled me under Just like it always does Just like it always does
13.
See when your young there’s a connection From a mother to a son And that mother, she’s the light And she carries you on See she’ll pick you up And she’ll keep you clean She’ll show you the love you so desperately need So at no point do you think she could ever leave She’s the constant, she’s the mother, she’s all that we need So imagine my pain, I was only fourteen And I was told that my mother was no longer here You parted the clouds and shone down on me Kept me from feeling so incomplete But now I feel lost, searching always For that missing light in the darkest of days Because loves what you taught and loves what we learned But it’s so hard to feel love when you’re not around This house feels so empty; my father’s lost for words He’s desperately trying but can’t make a sound “I’m so sorry” Bring her back to me Bring her back I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t feel, I can’t breath Bring her back to me Bring her back I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t breathe (I can’t breathe) I sometimes talk to the distorted reflection in the bottom of my empty glass There’s only one question I’ll ever ask Will I see you again? I’m sure the answer will come as no surprise As I stare at myself eye to eye and whisper Whisper the words, ”why’d she have to die?” Why? Why did you have to die? Bring her back to me Bring her back I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t feel, I can’t breathe Bring her back to me Bring her back I can’t keep going on I just wish I could see you again Bring her back to me
14.
I hope to leave something to remember me by...

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released February 5, 2021

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