I need to push it back, push it back again I was lost in the ocean I never knew that I could swim this far I was lost in devotion I never thought that I would fall for this but I gave away my heart But I gave away my heart (I gave away my heart) In these darkened days I've got nothing left to hold on But the morning rays Are telling me to stay strong (They are telling me) How did I get myself into this wreck? I never thought I'd push myself this far, so I keep asking How did I lose myself and how do I live on like this? I need to push it back, push it back again I need to push it back again I need to push it back Maybe I look like I am fine But take a look, you will see that I lost my spine I feel so numb I don't wanna be the person that I've become In these darkened days I've got nothing left to hold on But the morning rays Are telling me to stay strong How did I get myself into this wreck? I never thought I'd push myself this far, so I keep asking How did I lose myself and how do I live on like this? I need to push it back, push it back again Even when I find myself in these darkened days I leave these scars behind before my mind decays Even when I find myself in these darkened days I leave these scars behind before my mind decays Even when I find myself in these darkened days I leave these scars behind before my mind decays How did I get myself into this wreck? How did I get myself into this wreck? I never thought I'd push myself this far, so I keep asking How did I lose myself and how do I live on like this? I need to push it back, push it back again

I believe there is another way That I could carry on Even though I understand I'm trembling, all alone I believe you know what's best for you But who am I to say That I would rather die if it could make If it could make you stay? Believe me, I have tried To forget the words you said We are running out of time But a long road lies ahead From day to day And every night that's passed I feel you fade away And only memories will last Every word you say Could be the last that I receive (That I receive) So save your breath and please Please don't make me grieve I believe there is another way That I could carry on Even though I understand I'm trembling, all alone I believe you know what's best for you But who am I to say That I would rather die if it could make If it could make you stay? Show me a way to make it easier For me to call it truth How much of me will there be left If there is no more me in you? After all these years we had I grew strong myself And I learned how to live You were the best of all the gifts Every word you say Could be the last that I receive (That I receive) So save your breath and please Please don't make me grieve I believe there is another way That I could carry on Even though I understand I'm trembling, all alone I believe you know what's best for you But who am I to say That I would rather die if it could make If it could make you stay? Believe me, I have tried To forget the words you said We are running out of time But a long road lies ahead Every word you say Could be the last that I receive So save your breath and please Please don't make me grieve I believe there is another way That I could carry on Even though I understand I'm trembling, all alone I believe you know what's best for you But who am I to say That I would rather die if it could make If it could make you stay?

I had a childhood full of love I grew up with a family that's been watching me from above I went to school, I made new friends They told me that friendship never ends So they started talking and my friends stabbed me in the back So my innocent soul got its first crack So I started asking, asking myself "What did I do to deserve this?" I could say that I'm a mess But instead I made the choice that I don't deserve this And they, they ripped my heart out of my chest But I made my choice, so now I let you hear my voice I fell into an endless hole made of tears Cried by my lost and shattered soul Even if they knew that I was fucking down They were spitting into my face, wishing that I would drown So I decided to make their wish come true I couldn't take what I was going through So I took a wire and put it around my neck At the age of ten, this could have been my end I could say that I'm a mess But instead I made the choice that I don't deserve this And they, they ripped my heart out of my chest But I made my choice, so now I let you hear my voice So I started asking, asking myself "What did I do to deserve this?" This could have been my end but I chose the right way And these scars could mend I know that I could say that my life is all a mess But the experience of it turned out for all the best I know that I could say that my life is all a mess But the experience of it turned out for all the best I could say that I'm a mess But instead I made the choice that I don't deserve this And they, they ripped my heart out of my chest But I made my choice, so now I let you hear my voice

I can't give up on me I've been searching for a reason For me to carry on I drank this poison but I kept believing That I can find a place where I belong You gave me something That I cannot describe And I finally felt like I can leave this mess behind I can't give up I can't give up I can't give up on me I know that I'm not done Until the world will know that my life has just begun I can't give up I can't give up on me It's hard to remember the good times When there is so much pain I never told you but you were my lifeline So I let you know that your life was not in vain What if I never reached the place Where I used to go? You were always the light in my cave But now I light the candles on your grave I can't give up I can't give up I can't give up on me I know that I'm not done Until the world will know that my life has just begun I can't give up I can't give up on me You gave me something That I cannot describe And I finally felt like I can leave this mess behind I know that I'm not done Until the world will know that my life has just begun I can't give up I can't give up on me I can't give up I can't give up I can't give up on me I know that I'm not done Until the world will know that my life has just begun I can't give up I can't give up on me

So give in, I know the dawn is the bitter end So I put my mask on and I start to pretend To be someone I ain't never gonna be again Every minute from the morning till the sun goes down I know that inside of me, it's a fucking ghost town And anyone with half a heart wouldn't let me drown I know I can't breathe While the sunlight hurts my eyes (Sunlight hurts my eyes) I know I can't live Until the moon will arise I am living in the night When I watch the stars fall down When they crash into the ground With every breath, with every breath I take I am feeling alive and know that I'm awake So please, make this an everlasting night I'm wondering, could I ever get my feelings back? This empty shell is like a noose around my neck I am nothing but a huge creaking wreck I'm falling deeper and deeper into this hole I dug And took a double dose of this deadly drug But during the night I know, I know I won't get stuck I know I can't breathe While the sunlight hurts my eyes (Sunlight hurts my eyes) I know I can't live Until the moon will arise I am living in the night When I watch the stars fall down When they crash into the ground With every breath, with every breath I take I am feeling alive and know that I'm awake So please, make this an everlasting night I know I can't breathe While the sunlight hurts my eyes (While the sunlight hurts my eyes) I know I can't live Until the moon will arise (The moon will arise) Oh hello, shooting stars up in the sky You reveal the beauty of this You reveal the beauty of this world Oh hello, shooting stars up in the sky You give me the strength I need The strength I need to survive Oh hello, shooting stars up in the sky You reveal the beauty of this You reveal the beauty of this world Oh hello, shooting stars up in the sky You give me the strength I need The strength I need to survive 'Cause I'm not ready to die I am living in the night When I watch the stars fall down When they crash into the ground With every breath, with every breath I take I am feeling alive and know that I'm awake So please, make this an everlasting night Make this an everlasting night

I felt like I finally had it all in my hands You gave me so much strength and now all this ends I stare into your wide open eyes I can't move, I am shocked, I am paralyzed When I look back now, my life has always been a mess But you, you were the helping hand in my distress The time is standing still As I'm screaming down the hill, we're frozen here in time I can't hear a sound other than my heart Which is shattered on the ground, shattered on the ground You always seemed like you've been walking on the air But deep inside of you, you were screaming from despair Ever since the day you died I can't leave this moment behind When I held you in my arms And your body was still warm Oh God I should have seen what's going on And now you're gone And now you're gone When I look back now, my life has always been a mess But you, you were the helping hand in my distress The time is standing still As I'm screaming down the hill, we're frozen here in time I can't hear a sound other than my heart Which is shattered on the ground, shattered on the ground Shattered on the ground

The summer of 2003, after the mania ending, the depression, like, I tried to do, I mean, I was still in school. But I tried to do some part-time work, and, it wasn't happening. It was too, overwhelming. 'Cause that's one of the major things with depression, uh... that I've experienced. It's just this really crippling sense of being overwhelmed. By things that aren't even my responsibility. I remember driving with my mom places and we'd be going to the grocery store or something, and we'd drive by a construction site, and suddenly I would just feel... crushed by the, the thought of having to go to this construction site! It's like, why?? It's not even my responsibility. And so, actually having any responsibility was out of the question. So that's how [?] it could not work out. But after... the hospitalization, [?]. From that point forward, I've been able to work pretty consistently. But the upside of being very upfront with my s-, my bosses and my supervisors has been that, I mean, 'cause I [?]. I would say, "Hey. I need [?]. So, I'm gonna take this day off because I have to take this medication, and because of this medication, I won't be able to work this day." Um, so you know. Kind of like managing any other medical issue. With depression a lot of times I'll tell my employers, "I'm... having a tough time right now." It doesn't usually impair my ability to work, but... it affects me and I still have to be honest with them about what's going on.

I can feel your hand Buried deep down inside my chest You are holding my Heart So you can push the dark aside Who knew that it would come so far That I am sitting here Staring at my scars (I'm fading, I'm fading) You ripped the skin off of my arms So you can see my veins Cut me open To check if I'm alive, And then I hear your voice again (Your voice) Screaming that these days will end Who are you to say that you can help me before I fade away? (I'm fading, I'm fading) And Who are you to say that I should listen? But I guess I should admit that you're a part of me But I guess I should admit that you're a part of me I know I shouldn't walk away I should stop and now return You are there, so I can change myself But I guess I'll never learn And then I hear your voice again (Your voice) Screaming that these days will end Who are you to say that you can help me before I fade away? (I'm fading, I'm fading) And Who are you to say that I should listen? But I guess I should admit that you're a part of me Who are you to say that you can help me before I fade away? (I'm fading, I'm fading) And Who are you to say that I should listen? But I guess I should admit that you're a part of me I can feel your hand Buried deep down inside my chest (I'm fading, I'm fading) You are holding my Heart So you can push the dark aside Who are you to say that you can help me before I fade away? (I'm fading, I'm fading) And Who are you to say that I should listen? But I guess I should admit that you're a part of me Who are you to say that you can help me before I fade away? (I'm fading, I'm fading) And Who are you to say that I should listen? But I guess I should admit that you're a part of me

It must have been hours that I spent Walking through this town and it never ends I was staring right into your eyes When I lied and said that I'll be back by sunrise I know that I am not the strongest person, no Oh God, give me the strength to finally let go Yeah, to finally let go The days are fading I can feel that it's December The snow is covering my heart And the cold is crawling up my veins This winter is something That I always will remember Days will come and days will go But my soul is trapped beneath the snow My soul is trapped beneath the snow My soul is trapped beneath the I can feel the liquor burning Running down my throat Maybe it will help to numb the pain While writing down this note I never said goodbye But I got nothing left this time Even though you'd deserve a farewell But there is nothing left that I could tell After all this time I'm still breathing, I'm still breathing So why did I ever Ever stop believing, ever stop believing? The days are fading I can feel that it's December The snow is covering my heart And the cold is crawling up my veins This winter is something That I always will remember Days will come and days will go But my soul is trapped beneath the snow After all this time, I'm still breathing So why did I ever stop believing? I'm moving on, I can proudly say that I made it until here Now I got the chance to prove myself another year I know that I am not the strongest person, no Oh God, give me the strength Now I can finally let go The days are fading I can feel that it's December The snow is covering my heart And the cold is crawling up my veins This winter is something That I always will remember Days will come and days will go But my soul is trapped beneath the snow

Hand to my heart This is where I have to begin Will I ever really search what's my heartbeat When it even hurts me in my sleep I feel the pressure rising from the inside Crawling to the surface [?] My throat is sore and I can't breathe [?] getting tired of the [?] We've lost the way, pull me beneath Break my heart so I can breathe It's like [?] of this world again This fucking fear is like it never ends I try to run, I try to run from myself But I am in fear of the fear itself But I am in fear of the fear itself From all I bleed, from all I suffocate They're telling me I can't escape my fate Your eyes are closed, I latch my stand in there And even thoug I'm drowning in dispair We're tired and broken, not giving in I know this [?] will rise from within Get my hopes up [?] But my heart keeps on pounding within my throat My throat is sore and I can't breathe [?] getting tired of the [?] We've lost the way, pull me beneath Break my heart so I can breathe It's like [?] of this world again This fucking fear is like it never ends I try to run, I try to run from myself But I am in fear of the fear itself But I am in fear of the fear itself Please get me out before I find the strength to cut me loose from this craze [?] giving in I tell my heart this is where I have to begin This fucking fear is like it never ends I try to run, I try to run from myself But I am in fear of the fear itself [?] of this world again This fucking fear is like it never ends I try to run, I try to run from myself But I am in fear of the fear itself

I'm standing on the roofs of this town It's like I'm at the edge of the earth, where endless roads go down How can I be so alone? And in this way too crowded town I am doomed to be the unknown How can I be so alone? I've been standing here for hours Right on the top of this house A lot of people passing by And there is nothing that they care about I mean, how can they ignore That I'm about to jump and hit the floor? This town is full of faces staring down So I am drowning in the crowd And all that I have left is just this view And I know that this is true I'm standing on the roofs of this town It's like I'm at the edge of the earth, where endless roads go down How can I be so alone? And in this way too crowded town I am doomed to be the unknown How can I be so alone? How can I be so alone? How can I be so alone? The sun is setting now and the air is cooling down I can see the faces that they have never shown I mean, how can they just try To let the whole world pass 'em by This town is full of faces staring down So I am drowning in the crowd And all that I have left is just this view And I know that this is true, I know that this is true I'm standing on the roofs of this town It's like I'm at the edge of the earth, where endless roads go down How can I be so alone? And in this way too crowded town I am doomed to be the unknown How can I be so alone? How can I be so alone? How can I be so alone? I'm standing on the roofs of this town It's like I'm at the edge of the earth, where endless roads go down How can I be so alone? And in this way too crowded town I am doomed to be the unknown How can I be so alone? And in this way too crowded town I am not doomed to be the unknown I know that I won't be alone I know that I won't be alone